Running out of time

In this episode, we tackle the fleeting nature of time with our loved ones. Inspired by a personal family health crisis and a striking statistic from Mel Robbins—we dive into the emotional impact of realising how quickly time passes. We discuss the balance between savoring moments with growing children and managing the challenges of caring for aging parents, especially when distance adds another layer of difficulty. Join us for a heartfelt conversation about making every moment count and turning these reflections into actionable, meaningful interactions with our loved ones.

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Transcript

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Welcome to our podcast. Hello. Hello. How's it going? So today we're going to discuss the precious and fleeting nature of time with our loved ones and what really made me want to do this and start thinking about it probably a bit more deeply than I had before as I, for two reasons, one, my mother had been diagnosed with. Cancer. And so that was a realization that, time is kind of taking away pretty fast and you wanting to make the most of any time you have with your family, especially aging parents, as well as our children are also growing up really quickly. And I had heard this podcast where It was a Mel Robbins podcast, and she said, the research shows that by the time our children are 12, we've spent 75 percent of our time with them. And by the time they're 18, we've spent 90 percent of our time with them. Oh my God, that's depressing. Yes. So depressing. Yes. It's so like, it's confronting. It really is confronting and it really made me go, wow, I actually, like my son's just turned 11. So I realized I really want to make the time I do have with them a bit more intentional and actually spend some quality time and with both my aging parents and, and my son. And so that was where this podcast idea, yeah, I had read that. I had read that same thing about the 12 years, 75 percent and it's really good. It's frightening. It is very frightening because, and it goes so quickly as we get older too, right? Like time tends to, to fly by and, and I notice it more and more as he's getting older, he's wanting to spend more time with his friends and do more things not with us. And so you do, it's really in your face that that time is becoming quite short. Yeah. Yeah. and I. Once he goes to high school, it's going to be even more so. Yeah. So yet another uplifting topic at nine to always. Yeah, true. Sorry. Oh, these are the things we think about, right? So that's why we want to talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. what about you guys? Have you until I've kind of brought this up, have you realized, wow, time is Slipping through my fingers. Well, not until you said this, because I was thinking on the way in, when, when you said, maybe we should talk about our parents and our children. And I thought about, do I feel like I haven't had enough time with them? And I decided no, but now I'm like, Oh yeah. Cause I hadn't really thought about the future. I think I just thought about how much time I was spending with them now. Yeah. Yeah, and you're pretty good with the stuff you guys do as a family, right? So yeah, we do all the time Yeah, we do a fair bit as a family But I often do sometimes think I Should spend more time with them as well But I mean, I think you can always think that you're in even if you spend every day with them You probably would still think I could probably spend more time with them. I also think this is the, it's the contrast between when they're young, you spend an inordinate amount of time with them and all you want is time away. What for me, you want to break, you need a break for everyone's sanity and to miss each other. So, and I think. It's probably because, because your son is a couple of years older, than our youngest ones. And that, I think that difference is really Yes, plus my parents are also older too, right? So, yeah, my parents are 75. Yeah, well, and friends of mine are also in their 70s now. I was worried that this podcast might be, maybe a bit, uh, for you guys having, being living overseas. Talking about your aging parents, because I know when I lived in Dubai, it was quite prominent in my mind that, my parents aren't getting any younger. And so you kind of think, shit, this is a very, it is a very difficult topic to talk about when you do have family and you live on the other side. And I'm sure we'll get into some of the stuff that I'm dealing with in my family back home at the moment. But. It's also, it's always on my mind, so why not talk about it? Yeah. You don't not think about it just because they're really far away. It's very true. You just think about it constantly. I had this really, confronting moment the day after Todd and I got married, so that was 10 years ago, and we got married in Sweden because we lived here and I said, They miss out on everything. So let's have the wedding in Sweden because then at least they won't miss out on that so we did that and my mom was Amazing and did so much stuff for that wedding. Incredible And then the next day she was really really low and she wouldn't really talk to me And I didn't really understand why and it didn't really Come out until later. It might have been the following day after that even that she said it's so obvious to me now that like, I might only see you like another 20 more times in my life Because maybe I only live another two when you put a number on it like that It's quite um, and you might only come home once or twice at the maximum a year And so, we, we could be looking at like a certain amount of days, really. So it was real uplifting after getting married. I must admit, but this, that was why she checked, she was on a high bleeding into the wedding and she was, Super busy. And then, that was over. That one event was over and she crashed, I think, and her greatest fears around access to me as her youngest child was all just in her face and she just couldn't stop thinking about it. Yeah. So, I mean, she did live longer than 10 years because it's been 10 years since this event. She's still going. She's still going. But yeah, I think it's It's certainly something you think about. And I think you think you do think about it more when you literally everybody, right? Like literally everybody, like our parents, it's relevant to all of us. Yeah. A hundred percent. So that's why when you said, I feel like we're running out of time and that could be a good topic. I thought, absolutely. Let's dive into another easy breezy topic. Yeah. Um, the thing, Mel Robbins talked about was, a melting piece of ice. she's like our time with our family or our children is literally like a piece of ice and there's no way to stop it from melting if it's sitting on the kitchen bench, except to put it in the freezer, obviously. Yeah. it's one of those things where you, you have, so there's, there's also time, but you also like, you want your kids to go out and experience the world and have their friends and go out and do things. If they were spending all their time with you. Yeah. There'd be something to worry about, I think. Yeah. Yeah. So I think what I, I guess what's important to take away with everything is, what can you do with the time when you are with them, for example. So when you ask me to come with him and it doesn't always have to be this big elaborate event, right? It can just be, hanging out with them, but not, on your phone. For example, actually be present in the time that you're spending with them or in the same with your parents. Like, you can do nice things Actually yesterday was beautiful day. I had to go and pick up my dog and I was just going to go over and pick her up and leave and come home and then go pick up Javi from a birthday party. And then when I got there, I was like, actually Picking up your dog from your parents? Yeah. And I thought, I might just hang out here for the afternoon. And so we watched a bit of the Olympics opening thing. We had lunch and then we went for this big, long walk and, all three of us went and we talked heaps and it was actually a really nice afternoon. Nothing major, but it was just a a nice time and I think they really appreciated it too because now that they're retired so those kind of moments I think and even like video call like for you guys like actually just connecting and video calls more and stuff like that I think can be good ways to still spend time even though it's not physical yeah you're still connecting with them all the time A hundred percent. I think that was quite obvious to me when we went home over Christmas, because we hadn't, I hadn't seen them in over four years and there were lots of things that I wanted to do with my, husband and son. Yeah. Um, but I also, needed to spend time with my mom and dad and sister and brother and stuff and Didn't get enough time with my brother, which I regret now for reasons we might get into But I think the stuff that I did do with my mom and dad were just those things Like it's just sitting around watching a program together like one night. We sat around reading old letters that i'd written or received when I was a child and Laughed at that and like there was it was nothing really crazy special other than like the Christmas stuff, but that was actually involving other people. So it didn't really become a time for connecting for us as a family, because there were always other people there. And then, my mom would often, cause she's a bit of a hostess with the most that she would often focus more on those people than on us, which is natural, but it did make me reflect over like how How we traveled a really long way and then other people came into our little circle and kind of wrecked it. And I just thought this is almost annoying, even though I can't, cause I have this other thing on top of the whole time running out. Weird. I. feel guilty if I expect them to stop their lives while I come, but I kind of do expect them to stop their lives while I come because we have so little time together. Like it might only be 20 days, a year if that. And obviously this hadn't been for four years. So, you become quite cognizant of that. And at the same time, you're like forced into this. Hanging out thing where you have to create memories and you have to be together. So like there's naturally going to be conflict and you got to get annoyed with each other and the stuff that you wouldn't do over a video call. Because then you're not really like, as much as it's your family and you talk about stuff that are hard, even if it's on the phone or a video call. you don't do that for five hours, like, yeah, I know it's a finite time still, so you can move on if the topic gets heavy and in a way you probably don't to the same degree when you like face to face. So yeah, I, I think about that a lot. Yeah. Um, often I find it difficult sometimes when I go back and see my family and then if I bring my husband and kids along, then it's that balancing that, whereas really you just wanna hang out with your parents. And so I went and saw my parents a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, on my own. And that was just me and them. Partially because I was so sick I couldn't get off the couch. So I was just like there every hour. Yeah. Great way to hang out. But um, yeah, it was kind of nice just to be able to hang out with them. The whole time. Yeah. Yeah, actually I've been really lucky with my parents with our beach house. Because, we owned it with them for quite a long time. And I did before I got married, so. All right. I often would come back and actually go to the beach house with them for most of the time that I would be back otherwise, other than catching up with friends, but So we spend a lot of quality time there and then even now, when I go up there, often Brett will be working and I can work from up there. I'll ask my parents, even though they don't own it with us anymore, I'll still have them. Um, and they're comfortable there because it's still feels like this. Yeah. And so it's always quite a nice time to go and do that. Yeah. So I'm lucky I can have that, I guess, quality, quality time. Yeah. There's always a limit to the quality time you can have back with your parents. That's why it's called quality. but like a good five, like a good five days. Yeah. It's good. And everyone, you know. Yeah. I think, I feel like five days is the perfect amount. No, no, no. Before you're ready, I reckon. Yeah, I think. Yeah. Um, it's before everyone gets niggly with each other, right? Yeah. And Dad, we, Dad and I go play golf, and yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. It's nice. And actually, one of the things, I was like, what can I get Harvey for his birthday? He just had his birthday. And I brought him golf clubs, because I thought that's something we can go and do together. Um. It's, it's fun. Um, we're having fun together. Um, yeah. It's an activity. And we got the ping pong table in our garage and we play that heaps. Like we probably play ping pong at least once a day. Yeah, I think we're going to get a ping pong table because of what you've said. Yeah, it's so much fun. I, uh, definitely think that the whole hanging out with family, when I always have to merge the two, like I have to merge my family of origin with my own family, if we call it that, uh, does always lead to, I mean, there's also this, I wouldn't call it a language barrier because there's no barrier as such, but my mother doesn't love speaking English. And the older she gets, the more worried and anxious she gets. and I think because she hasn't been around Todd and Ed as much lately, that makes her more anxious. To speak English. Yeah. So that's a hard one. And also we, I don't have that luxury, if you want to call it that, of only being able to hang out with them for four or five days, like, cause it's too short to go home. So you kind of have to be. Home for like three to four weeks. Yeah To make it worthwhile and I think 21 days is a long time to be spending in anyone's company I'd start fighting with my parents You do naturally argue and I mean I just have to accept when I go that that's part of Everyday life is to bicker and I think we're just, we're a bickering family anyway. We show love or some fucked up shit. So this is part of what we do. But I mean it is frustrating that you can't just create these like rosy movie like memories where everyone is laughing and running I don't think that matters and that's not really the point. The point is just actually being connected. Yeah. I think. I mean, you're not always going to create these amazing memories, right? No, you're creating memories. Yeah. Yeah. They're not always going to be, like, amazing. They're not all going to be lovely. Yeah. Yeah. But it's true. I, I watched, uh, just on a sidebar. So I was at football yesterday morning cause it was a Saturday and there's this other mom there who I love chatting to. And we were talking about kids and how they're getting older and dealing with emotions and whatnot. And there's that Disney movie or Pixar movie called Inside Out. I like that movie. Emotions and in a very literal way, like the emotions are all there. Yeah. Characters and characters of the movie and stuff and how Memories fall into long term if if they're of a certain character type thing, so I think It's a good reminder that good and bad memories fall into long term memories, right? Like you won't necessarily Just remember the good stuff. Yeah, I remember the bad stuff and the arguments as well, but at least We're all still around in order to do it. So Yeah, and that's the thing, we are lucky we've still got, all our parents and children and everything. Yeah. But it definitely feels like, you know, time is slipping, slipping past quite quickly. Yeah. As they, as everyone gets older. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that is so true. Uplifting. Um, so yeah, so I guess what would be things you would do to kind of other ideas maybe that connect with your kids that aren't necessarily, big days out or, or just ideas to spend quality time and It's funny because I know that our current generation of parenting is very focused on reducing screen time, which I completely agree with. I also, obviously, it's everyone's battle and how much of a battle it depends on what kid you have And I think some of the nicest moments that Ed and I have together sometimes, and maybe to some people, this is tragic, but is when we're watching a movie together or we're just hanging out on the couch doing absolutely nothing. And he, that's probably also when he's the most affectionate because I know that as an active kid who needs downtime and struggles to find things to do that are quiet. That don't involve something like that. He really does cherish that. So he'll often be way more snuggly and tell me how much he loves me and like, he'll, he'll do that in those types of moments when I guess he's really relaxed and feel safe and calm and, and to us that just, it's not only in that situation, but he's way more like that than if we. Go and have a big day out. Yeah. I quite like that. Um, you know, watching a show or something together, we kind of started up at the beach with mum and dad when they were up there. We started watching the good Doctor. Yeah. And Harvey got really into it. So we, we have one episode a night before bed and I don't even know if he. cared so much for the show, but he actually just liked that we all sat down together and it was like a thing, you know, like, oh, we're gonna watch tonight together And so I started, we did it at home and we came back and, and then we finished. The whole series. Yeah. And I think we all grew up probably you only had three channels, three channels, everybody, you were all made to watch something that you kind of, your parents liked, but you didn't. Yeah, it's true. Right. Um, one of the things that I've actually found just in the last two weeks, Mike and I both commented on it is, um, we just let Olive get. messenger for kids because her best friend has moved to Christchurch and they want to be able to chat to each other. But the side effect of that, is that they just send us hundreds of texts. But they're like great texts,'cause Mike, Mike was away last week. Yeah. And he said for the whole week, Olive's got this in, in their playroom. She set up this whole scene where there's all these villages and things going on and she is like texted Mike like every single scene and all the story and stuff. And he is like, is awesome. Like I would never have that interaction. You'd be down there and I'd be upstairs. Well, Harvey got Messenger 2, um, just not long after we got back from Australia. And so he, he was, became friends with, um, Brett's brothers and sisters over there. So his aunties and uncles, and he was messaging them constantly. but they loved it. Like, and so he was able to keep connecting with them while coming home again. I just think of that too because, you know, obviously it Neurodiverse or dyslexic and that I'm like, what a great opportunity for them to be practicing like storytelling and writing and like, you know, connecting in a different way. And they have got voice to text. Yeah. So he could always cheat and just say. And they can video chat. Like Harvey, um, he's got his friends in Auckland, Hunter and Heidi, her Lord of the Monsters kids. And so they'll video chat with them. Um, And I think he, we finally let him have a Nintendo at Christmas and you can talk to each other on that. Yeah. And that's really good. cause I know that's how my husband stays in touch with all of his, they will go on and play a game together and just chat while they're playing. Yeah. That was one of the things that came up on the podcast I listened to was, Um, how can you, and it comes to, it's not just your children and your aging parents, it's your friends too, right? So, how can you, you can't rely on other people to always connect with you. And sometimes it might just be a tit for tat thing, or she didn't call me so I'm not calling her, or you know, those kinds of things. So if it's important to you, you should insert yourselves into people's lives, whether it's true. Just dropping in and having coffee or having group messenger chat things and, and connecting through just reaching out through those sort of things and like where it comes with French friendships. Like we've got our group chats, right, which we all kind of connect on and I've got all my old school friends on a group chat and I was thinking it's so true because some of my old school friends were like, Oh, that's so nice. Girls. I might not see hardly at all but we're connecting all the time because we're all on the chat and so you don't feel like you haven't spoken to them for years because you're all just sort of chatting away different comments and yeah you still know a bit about yeah you still know what everyone's kind of doing and that we'll post something random photos or so that's really valuable way to kind of I think keep connected even in your wider friendships and family, like if you had a big family group, like it could be all your wider family, brothers, sisters, I know Brett has that, I don't have that with mine because they're all kind of in Tiamutu, but um, that's a really good way to kind of stay connected as the wider family as well. Oh, absolutely. And then when you add the kids to it, it's even nicer. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's been obviously quite important for me to have group chats because I haven't been on social media for quite a few years. So like, it means that in order for me to keep, to have any idea what goes on in people's lives, they have to, like, I have to reach out to them specifically and vice versa. Yeah. And that's why I'm so reliant on WhatsApp. And I probably wouldn't be if I was on like regularly on any of the other social media ones. Like I haven't been very good at using messenger for quite a long time, but I'm realizing that most people probably prefer to use some version of social media connection. Um, so that is super important. I do however find that even with that, like, you know, we, like, we have like my friendship group at home, um, It's not just in Sweden cause they're like in Sweden and France. But if, if no one instigates it for a little while, it can still take a long time because you know, if you had noticed we're busy people, like we all have young children, we all work long hours. And you know, like you said, everyone has aging parents and like traveling between the two and all of that kind of stuff. So it's still easy to slip through. So I think it's a good reminder. To tell yourself what you did Lucy that it's like if it's important to you just yeah Just think five to ten minutes doing it. Yeah, it doesn't have to take a very long time No, and I think and even with like our friendships like It doesn't have to be as well. We have to have a girl's night out. Just go for coffee Mm hmm, like we'll just pop into each other's house. Like I think You Because we are all so busy, we try and make these big, um, catch ups that, that sometimes are just too hard to maybe make happen. But if it's important for you to stay connected to that, if you think it's important, then I think you just got to make that effort. We're trying to get a priority. Yeah. Like, but I think that those moments, there's lots of little moments you're more connected doing those than you are with the one off big events. every two years, you know, like you're actually more connected if you do lots of little, even just a phone call. Like, um, one of my best mates lives in Napier and I just pick up the phone all the time and she picks up, like, we're quite good at calling. That's good. Um, and I don't have that with everybody, but I make an effort with yeah, calling people that yeah, that's why I keep my Aussie friends. I probably should do it more, but I basically try and call one person a month. Like just go, when I go for a walk, just call them. And have a chat. It's so good. Yeah. Yeah. And the more you do it The easier it becomes. Yes. Because the less awkward it is, the less you do it, the more awkward it is, because it's kind of like, oh, we haven't spoken for years. It's kind of awkward. You know, like you kind of changed out these stories. Some people, if I rang some of my friends now, I think I would have to precursor it with the text and be like, I'm going to ring you, but no one's there. Dead. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't freak out because we haven't spoken on the phone for such a long time, you know, so it's not like a, cause, so this happened recently where, you know, they changed, when we changed the time, um, for summer and winter, so that for a few weeks I'm a little bit unsure of what the time is in Sweden because I don't know if they've switched yet or not. And so sometimes I forget that I can't call after a certain time in the morning because they will be asleep. Yeah. And I just, I was a little bit distracted that day and I rang my dad at a time when it probably would have been like 11, and then I realized, so I quickly hung up and I was like, Oh, of course. So then he rang me. Worried. Worried. Yeah. And he was like, wide awake. And he turned this tiny little light on, and he was like, what's going on? And I'm like, I'm so sorry, I just fucked up. Like, nothing's happened, everyone is fine. You know, your grandson is okay, because he's obviously living with us now. He was like, oh, you could see, like, he was visibly Ah, yeah, of course, you would be when you get those kind of things. Yeah, so that can happen. Yeah. If I now start ringing people, my friends in Europe, they would just be like, what the frick is going on? Yeah. But I love the idea of calling because the people in my life who are good at ringing, um, and I, I've ring a lot more for work now. So I, you know, I'm not, I'm not uncomfortable talking on the phone anymore. Like lots of people can be. I've got a few friends who just, I'm not. Fine people at all. And when we did that Tungariro crossing and I said, I'm going to call you all the time. So that she's like, okay, but she's not a fine person. Like the more you do it, the more you have to do it. If you just force yourself to pick up the phone. Yeah. Like you say, the more, but they'll, they'll, they'll, they kind of, they don't say so much, don't like talking. They won't pick up that rather text. Yeah. Like, I do find that with my parents. I try to call them once a week, but I just don't think they love, they're not really long phone chatters. You know what, they would love, because they'd love that you're calling. Well they do, yeah, they do love that, but it's never a long chat, yeah. I think when you're calling once a week it doesn't mean it has to be, right? I mean, I still ring my parents more than once a week. Yeah, I don't. I can go long periods. It's funny though, because I, I thought about this recently when I listened to another podcast, focused on dads rather than kids with their dads, but like if dads don't spend time with their children, when they're young, you don't necessarily create that bond where in 20 years time, your kids will call you. And so I used to, I thought about that at the time, cause when I was younger, I was a daddy's girl and I was, you know, when I moved out of home, I would probably call him. As much as my mom.'cause um, when she traveled for work, she wasn't always in the same place and he and I could talk for a really long time'cause we're quite similar people. Yeah. And now I think for years and years, probably since Ed was born, I've largely been calling mom because she was here when he was born. And like when he was young it was like she was the go-to, you know, she was a neonatal nurse, she knew babies, yada yada. And I just got into that routine and I didn't call him as often. So it would be when I did call him, he would be very good at like having a brief chat and then like, well, I've got to go do something now and like shut it down. And it's only in recent times now that I've started calling him a bit more when he then gets a bit better at like, particularly if he was, he's on his own. I think we talked about this one time, like if you're on the phone to a friend and like your husband and your child or your children are there, you're not as. It's free to just do whatever and I think it's the same for him naturally, so like I rung him a few weeks ago and he was in the car and I was like, Oh, I'm sorry, do you want me to call back? And he's like, no, this is perfect. And then we had like a really long chat about, I don't even know, but yes, I think the, this, the situational side of it is also quite important. Like if he's at home with mom, then we have a different conversation than if it's, if he's at home with dad. I totally talk to dad about stuff that I I could never have that conversation with my mother because dad's way more, um, sensible Like it doesn't get emotional in the same way. So I, and I've always been like that like anything to do with. Problems or finance or I'll go to dad Anything to do with cooking I'll call mom And gardening actually I like I've started trying to grow some vegetables and stuff and dad's amazing he grows the best veggie garden and so it's been nice because i'm using those sort of things to connect I guess with with him around what should I plant now and Um Vegetables and stuff like that. Yeah, it's funny how you, yeah, I think it's, you end up becoming more and more like your parents and you kind of get shared interests. Yeah, so if you can find a shared topic, it's quite a nice way to, even if you don't even need to ask them, I still kind of use it as a, maybe a way to just touch base and talk to them. My mum sent me this meme recently, which was like. It was a, like a sliding scale and it had like your years on one, one of the like arms of the graph. And then how much knowledge you think your parent has. Or like how much you want to do with them I think. So like it starts out and you're like super into them. You love them more than anything. You think they know absolutely everything and you want to be with them all the time. And then like the teenagers come by and you kind of think they know absolutely nothing and you really want nothing to do with them and then kind of grew on that whole graph around like in your mid 20s. You're like, Oh, maybe they do know the odd thing or two. And then in your mid 30s, you're like, Oh yeah, they probably actually know. Quite a lot and then in your mid 70s or something and it kind of said I wish I Could just talk to my mom Yeah, that's so true like we all even though we know it we all go on that same journey I think it's more obvious to me now because we have a teenager in the house and like an overnight teenager because We didn't grow up with him, so we didn't really know how to relate to that. And that whole, I know everything, is quite prevalent at that age. And you have to be very careful with How you deliver messages in order for them to believe that you actually know anything about life. Interesting. I Hmm. I think also, not actually just about aging parents. I think about aging siblings. Yes, I was thinking that too, yeah. So like, my, my brother was recently diagnosed with cancer and, so he's quite a bit older than me, he's 14 years older than me, but it was still a massive shock and I think one that we're all still processing because he's, yeah, going through treatment and whatnot, but no one really knows. where it's going to land. But I had this epiphany when I thought I might be the last one eventually because I'm the youngest. And as much as I had thought about like, you know, everyone is aging and you, you see it in your own face and you see it in their faces. I hadn't really thought that there might come a time when there's, there's no one left and God, yeah, no, I hadn't even thought about that either. I think I thought about it because we have some friends down the road on our street who recently had two losses within the family. So one was a brother of the dad in the family. Um, yeah, he lost his brother and at the same time his wife. I've lost her father and they were all like within the space of a week of each other. And the father who lost the brother had already, so he lost his mother a few years ago, his dad a long time ago, which means that there's only two of them left. And I just thought, shit, that could be me. I mean, in all likelihood it will be me, like statistically it probably will be me, but I hadn't really had such a. This little reminder of that before. So I, it's, it's scary to think about it. And I also think, so when we were home over Christmas, for the first time, since my brother and sister and I were extremely young, we had family photos taken. It's probably been, you know, when you say that, Oh, it's been 20 years, it's probably been. 35 years. This is your last family photo. It's our last family photos, like professional family photos. Yeah. It's only because mum and dad had some taken of us three. I don't even think they had any photos of it. That's not what you did in the eighties. Who gives a shit about the parents? And it was very posy. It was in a studio, like all of that kind of stuff that we've all seen with the big hairs and their matching dresses. Classical eighties photo. Classical eighties photos. With the grey background or And like 20 of them and slightly different. And like one of them or a few of them, I was crying. So like, you could almost like follow what happened, like a scripted day type thing, but that was the last time we had family photos taken. And so now we had some taken over Christmas and they took ages to be finished, but they finished, or they were finally ready to have an album. And the album was sent to mom and dad about a month or so ago. And then we found out that my brother had cancer about a month later and I was, my mom even said how fortuitous that we had the photos taken because it's when everyone was well and you know, we didn't know anything. And I mean, that sounds morbid and like we're assuming that something really bad is going to happen. But I think she was trying to hold on to the fact that like, He he looked like he always has in that photo Yeah, I don't know if he's gonna look like that and you know after six months. Oh, yeah Chemo. Yeah. Yeah, so I think yeah, it's been a lot of like if you're talking about have you had any moments? recently when you've thought about I think those moments for me are like Hot like they're coming fast. Yeah, and repeatedly like Just this week we were told Of, um, one of Todd's childhood friends. He lost his brother in law in a drowning accident the other day. And he was probably in his late thirties, mid thirties. So I think, yeah, they were out boating and it looks like he fell off the back of the boat. Um, just when he was going for a wee. So it's all very, very obvious, I think, that you're running out of time and that you never know when your time is going to come. So like, it's so easy to get wrapped up and we all do this. We get wrapped up in the everyday life. And like, I know my parents been saying to me ever since Eric's been here, Oh, I know you're really busy. You don't have time to talk. And I just think, isn't that utter rubbish? Of course I have time to talk. I just have been stressed and there has been a lot going on. But like if anything, connecting with the people that you love is the one thing that will bring you down from that ledge of pressure and stress, right? The thing that will make you feel better or reaching out to a friend or, you know, anything like that, Totally. Yeah. So I think it's. The older you get the more obvious it is. Yeah, and I think I don't know if it's like this for you guys but it's been very very prominent in the last kind of five to ten years five five to seven years maybe that bad shit happens to you or around you and you just have to keep reminding yourself that life is Trying to keep rules. Yeah. Yeah And yeah, and I think that's why I think we do sometimes just need to take a bit of stock and go what's actually important to me, who's important to me, and make that a bit of a priority in our, in our schedule, in our lives and actually. So maybe this, this would be my biggest question and I have, I'm asking it because I have no idea how to address it. So let's hope the two of you do, and if not, maybe one of our listeners do. So I get that we all have these moments and we all need to sit down and like take stock and, and make some time for the people that we love. And then most likely, or at least for me, the next day I'm just back on that train again. On that train of work and school and, you know, getting shit done, I don't know, paying off a mortgage, earning money. How do I, like, how do you stay in that moment more? I don't think you will every day. I don't think it's a, I just think maybe you should have something in your calendar to just, uh, give your parents a call. And that's just a simple reminder on your calendar once a week, or how often you feel like you want to do it. Just that would be enough to maybe go, Shit, I'll just give mum a quick call and say hey. We all have shit going on in our lives, right? I don't think it's an all day, every day thing where you're constantly thinking about what we've discussed. I just think it's something that we just need to not lose total sight of and, and not take for granted, I guess. Those people. I guess what's happened to me recently is I had a very, very busy month and then I got quite sick. So I had two weeks of just sitting there and thinking about the meaning of life. That's what happens. And, um, I listened to some good podcasts while I was basically lying there, and One guy talked about, it was in relation to, he was telling this story about how he had, he was on this quiz show and he was trying to learn, he was fully focused on this quiz show and trying to learn all the questions and stuff and he'd get really into his head and be like freaking out a bit but he said the thing that kind of calmed him and made him. kind of think more about being in the present and that kind of thing was he would always touch something so he'd always be touching um yeah like he would just touch a table or he would touch the wall or something and i was like oh that's a really good idea yeah so i've started doing that and it actually really works like i'm like in my head i'm like oh my god i gotta be doing all these things gonna do all these things then i was like no i'm just gonna be like Well, like in the shower, just touching the tiles and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's quite interesting isn't it? It's like it's grounding you. Yeah, it does ground you, and it makes you think, I'm not going to think about all these things, I'm actually going to focus on what's going on right now, and like, talking to that person, or Yeah, I think that's a really good point. Would be, I think, I mean, all of that is so true. I just think what, what happens to me is that I have these little epiphanies and then I spend a little bit of time. But I still really struggle to be present. And I think like what he was talking about and why that probably works must be because it's like, it's all about being in your body. Like it's all about embodiment and all the podcasts I've listened to all about focusing on being in your body as opposed to in your head. And I love my head and I'm constantly up there. Same. Same. Same. Solving the world's crisis, but you know, not never getting anywhere and I obviously that's why I struggle so much to be In my body which does involve being present like this is obviously one of the reasons why i'm not on social media And of any kind because if I was then I would not be able to put my phone down But it's not even there. I feel like I struggle just to be Um, energetic enough to be present. Like I can be here, not on a phone and not on the screen and still completely depleted and still have nothing left to give and just staring into the abyss. Yeah. There's this other, so this other thing that I listened to the other day was about creating, it's called creating a second mind. A second brain. Yeah, elaborate, elaborate. You've heard of it. And it's about using AI pretty much to create a space where you put all those, like all your to dos, all of the cool, quotes that you hear in podcasts or you read about putting them into that space. He's basically talking about using your brain to be creative and apply perspective to things and then use the other brain for all of those additional, like all that data stuff that you kind of want to think about. As he just, as he kind of saying, take it out of your head and put it on paper in a way. Yeah. He's like, you can either do it in paper or you can do it. There's lots of apps. It's not in your head. So, yeah. And then he said it does take a bit of work to set up, but you can almost organize it. So there'd be like cool, like leadership management stuff that you want to do for the business. So you just pop it into that sort of basket. And then there'll be another one for. other things like looking after your children or those things like that and putting into that basket so that you don't have to think about it and and you can just think about how to apply the perspective to it. I like, I like that. I was like, it sounds cool. So, so then when you go, Oh, I need to think about this, you can go look there instead of trying to go into your brain. Is that kind of what you mean? Yeah. Or you can, he was actually also talking about it as being, a podcast is really good for that as well, where we've got all these things going on in our brain and you listen to lots of podcasts about these things. But they're all other people's thoughts and the value that you really get from sitting where we sit here talking about it is you get to apply your own perspective to it and sort of talk through it and come out at the end. Okay. This is how I feel. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's true though, right? Oh, it is so true. So they do say, cause one of the, when I, um, I'm in this, um, it's like a, A business group thing for women, but it's, it's kind of a little bit holistic as well as not, it's not all just business focused. And she definitely talks about like, you know, get everything out of your brain and onto paper. It doesn't matter what it is, even if it's a list a meter long, get it all out of your head at the end of the day. So when you get a beard, it's not all or whenever you want to do it. It's not all filling up space in your mind, and it's kind of similar, but yours is more organized. But similar in that sense that you're taking it out of your head and leaving other space for the creativity and Yeah, and stuff because you can only hold so much in your mind. That's why we forget things, right? Because we're jamming so many Um, and I'm just going to put a few things into our heads that we've bound to forget something because it can't all fit. That's my theory on why I forget stuff. And I feel like that is my biggest issue with time is more is around that. Like I feel like I never have enough time to think about stuff properly and I feel like I'm just constantly reacting all the time. That's all I'm doing is just reacting. Yeah. And even with like keeping, you know, with kids sport and all that kind of stuff, I never really have it fully planned. It suddenly looks like, Oh shit, it's four o'clock. We've got to go. Oh shit. Now I need to get dinner on at six o'clock. But I, you know, all those things, like I never, it's like constantly jumping, rushing from one thing to like never sitting there having my own time to think about these things or make things better. Or even like, I even think the only like a, um, When I was sick and I did have that bit of extra time, I thought about all these awesome things that I want to do and like made these other plans for stuff I would never have done if I hadn't had that week of just sitting there. Yeah. And having that space. It's so important to have space. Yeah, you have to actually create space to think about it. I think I totally agree with all of that. And, and yet the first thing that popped into my head was when the hell that means I have one more thing to do every blooming day. I have to sit down. I mean, you know how long it would take to write down all of my thoughts. I mean, that's a great idea in theory, but fuck my head is full of them. Like it would not be. If you'd written a journal and you'd written. Every day. Yeah. And you kind of, I floated with that. Not this is my thing I've got,'cause I don't get into the habit of doing it. And I totally appreciate that once you get into the habit of doing it, then that is the benefit in and of itself. It doesn't matter what you actually write and what comes out. It's just the fact that I do these things in bursts. Yeah. And I'll have the gratitude diary and I'll, and I, you know, I have the, the journaling and all of that stuff and then. I'll have a shitty week when there's a lot of stuff that pokes my time or steals my time and pokes my interest. And then I'll be out of the habit again. Yeah, I know. I do the same. I do the gratitude thing and then I'll not do it for a couple of weeks and then I, and then I'll go, why do I feel so shit? And then I'm like, I might start doing that again. And then I'll start feeling good again or, you know, that it's weird. It's kind of. It's an energy thing, right? But I do quite like the idea of, I don't know how I would make that work. There's probably an app for this, but how you could maybe use AI to just also get answers to some of those questions. Cause most of those questions that you're probably creating in that second brain are easy to resolve. It's just another thing to resolve. And so that's why he said use AI because you might have something you need resolved, but you ask AI. Is that why? Yeah, he did mention that and he said quite often, but it's about, you have to learn how to get the answers you want as well, because you never, yeah, yeah, you might not always get the answer you're needing because you haven't put in the right stuff first. He was saying that, people who do podcasts and do, YouTube channels and stuff, they've already kind of, they're already sort of doing that. That is their sort of second brain. I guess in a sense, this podcast is a little bit like our second brain for some things. Yeah. Um, cause yeah, he was saying he, he was talking about his own podcast where he's like, I, Often, I've talked about it, and then I know I can go back and listen to it and sort of form even more thoughts. Which is often how I feel, like, after we've talked about all of this stuff, I go away and I'm like, Oh my god, all these other things I'm thinking about now, like, this is, like, I actually have this really strong opinion now, where before I had never really had a strong opinion on it before. That is so true. This is, like, our chatting group. We just happened to be recording it because if we weren't recording it, we wouldn't be doing this because we would feel like absolute tools. Sitting here talking about let's choose a topic and talk about it for an hour. And so the, this is the forum that allows us to drill into something that is on our minds. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Which is why we get value out of it. And all of you, not so many listeners, also get value out of it, hopefully. Wow. Do you think we should wrap up this one? what is our, our challenges? Um, yeah, I think we should set a challenge to maybe connect. With more intention to somebody. I think maybe choose a person that would be your priority for the week and, and be more intentional with how you might spend some time with them. I think that's what I'm going to do. I really like that idea. I've done my parents this week. I, I, I love that idea because I often have thoughts of what I want to do for other people. Like, I want to do this for this person. I want to do that for that person. And then I don't necessarily always get to the point of follow through. So maybe next time I think about it, I'm just going to do it then there drop what I'm doing. That's going to be my talent for this time. I think, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Um, well I was kind of excited about this second brain thing, but that sounds hard as well. they're all hard because these all require a behavioral change. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I kind, um, not sure. I think it's more I. Like, I do try to do my monthly and my weekly catch ups with people, so it's probably, I mean, I, I'm doing that. Um, I think it was more, yeah, just trying to, I think I might continue on without touching the. Yeah. Because I feel quite often it is, I'm very distracted in it and it's more about trying to be present. Does it help with anxiety? Like if you're feeling a bit anxious, does it kind of help with that too? Like overwhelmed? I know what happens to me is I usually get into a cycle and I can't get out of that cycle, even if I'm going and doing something at work or I'm in the shower, I just like internal conversation, it feels quite unhealthy because it's going Around and around and around in the same topic. And just trying to find a way to just break that circuit. I have that when I'm worried about something. Like a conversation with someone. That might be. Yeah, it's often a conversation. That might be a bit of, you know, like could be conflicting. I'll do the round and round thing in my head too. Um, I'm going to try not to be on my phone when I'm with Javi, like even if it's like watching shower. And they can't, you know, just whatever. I just try and. That's a good one. Yeah. Not have that as an extra distraction. Even my dog doesn't like it. Like when I'm throwing a toy, if I pick up my phone and look at that, she's, she'll stop playing cause she's knows I'm not giving her my full attention. Oh, isn't that sad? Yeah. So I literally have to be like, fine. I'm not looking at my phone. She wants the full attention too. And so, I mean, if your dog's wanting it, like surely you could. It's the same. Yeah. Very true. Cool. Well, thank you for listening and we will see you next time. I should say as well, because I'm very bad at saying this, but if you like listening to us, then if you haven't already, please subscribe and maybe give us a review if you want. I think that's a good one. And let us know what you think. Yeah. And we'll be back. Bye. Bye.